


Swing and Miss

by Shujinkakusama



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-30 23:53:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10175615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shujinkakusama/pseuds/Shujinkakusama
Summary: It's not often that Garnet lets what she wants influence her future vision. When Pearl rejects her, what can she do other than wait for her to change her mind? // Pearlnet, fluff, kind of requited, no beta, past mentions of Rosepearl and Mysterypearl.





	

Garnet was anything but subtle when she confessed to Pearl. It was a premeditated discussion, clearly, as were most things the Fusion did. She planned her words carefully, waited for the opportune moment, and was careful to give Pearl room to reject her if she were so inclined. Garnet knew, deep down, that Pearl felt the same; that she’d always held a torch for her, tucked away behind the wildfire that consumed her thoughts where Rose Quartz was concerned.

 

When rejection came, Garnet was surprised; there were far more futures where Pearl jumped into her arms than not, but she weathered it with dignity. She stroked Pearl’s hair, because of _course_ Pearl was near tears, and promised her that nothing needed to change between them. Garnet went so far as to laugh it off, glad for her visor, and she told Pearl she was proud of her. She clasped her hands gently, leaned in close to her face to make sure that Pearl knew she was being sincere, and promised that she would still feel the same if Pearl changed her mind.

 

And she knew she would. She always had.

 

For her part, Pearl was devastated. She shut herself in her room for two days and only returned to the beach house after Amethyst announced from below that she and Garnet were going on a mission, and then, it was only to do laundry and clean up after Steven. The boy in question was somber while Pearl silently washed dishes, and finally piped up when she finished, before she go back to hiding in her room.

 

“Why did you say no?”

 

Pearl must have gone a shade paler, but she tried not to show it. Tried not to show her discomfort at the question. It was complicated, she told herself, and _inappropriate_ , and a thousand other excuses that weren’t the heart of it. The Gem sighed, dropped her gaze, and took a paper towel to wipe up water from the edges of the sink.

 

“I’m afraid,” Pearl said quietly, and there was the crux of the matter, the dark truth that she avoided even when she was alone. “So much can go wrong. You saw what happened with S—I’m not ready. I thought I was, but I’m not.”

 

She expected Steven to argue. She expected him to echo that little voice deep in her heart that insisted that she was holding herself back, that Garnet wasn’t S, wasn’t _Rose_ , and wasn’t that moving on? But instead, the boy took her hand in his, gave it a gentle squeeze, and asked; “You won’t hide in the Temple forever, will you?”

 

And Pearl laughed, but it was empty. She tugged her ward in for a hug and promised to stop moping soon, for his sake. Her eyes flickered toward the portrait of Rose Quartz and dropped again. Rose wouldn’t want this.

 

Garnet didn’t deserve it.

 

Steven invited her to play cards on the couch, and several hours passed; Amethyst and Garnet returned without warning, and Garnet ruffled Steven’s hair. The boy laughed, and Pearl knew without being able to look up from her hand that Garnet wasn’t looking at her. Amethyst indicated a card she thought would win the match, a seven of spades, and Pearl played it mechanically, putting the card face down and waiting. Garnet nudged Steven, and he put his card down as well.

 

Of course it was the King of Hearts.

 

Steven won.

 

Pearl tried in vain to slip back into the Temple, but it was Amethyst’s turn to deny her, insisting that the loser had to cook dinner, which had nothing to do with losing at card games at all, and everything to do with Amethyst desperately wanting to eat tacos. She begged, pleaded, made puppy eyes, and finally won Pearl over.

 

Garnet announced that she had business to attend to in the Temple, but promised to come back for dinner. This wasn’t terribly unusual, but Pearl found that her anxiety ate away at her sense, and she could think of nothing but Garnet’s absence while she was cooking. It was luck that Gems didn’t really bleed; she nearly sliced off part of her finger chopping green onions.

 

It was her own fault, and yet, Pearl couldn’t help wondering why Garnet had to say something _now_ , when their team couldn’t afford to be divided. Why, not two months after she had spectacularly failed at moving on with S, _why_ would Garnet do this?

 

She must have anticipated a yes; Pearl knew that Garnet took risks that were carefully calculated, that she thought long and hard before speaking. She knew that Garnet cared more than she let on, and wondered if she had cried too, after comforting her. And how selfish was Pearl, she thought, to seek comfort after rejecting her best friend of millennia?

 

She was a coward, Pearl realized, and she grew so engrossed with silently picking apart her many, many flaws, that the ground beef burned on the stove.

 

At least _that_ was salvageable.

 

Garnet returned right on time, as Pearl distributed plates on the island, and Amethyst piled her taco high with several ingredients that weren’t on the menu, like chips and pickles. The Fusion looked no worse for wear, but her hand ghosted over Steven’s hair in an affectionate rustle of curls with some hesitation.

 

Garnet never hesitated.

 

Pearl wanted to cry all over again.

 

But Amethyst had finished her plate, gone back for more, and Steven was still savoring his, and Garnet had eaten exactly half of her taco before pawning the rest off on Amethyst.

 

“It was good,” Garnet said, the first three words since Pearl had locked herself in her room. Her best friend smiled; Pearl felt her heart breaking. “But Amethyst clearly wanted it more.”

 

“Clearly,” Pearl managed through a throat that was too tight. Amethyst and Steven both paused eating to stare at her, and Pearl cleared her throat. “Can I… talk to you outside, Garnet?”

 

“Of course.”

 

The Fusion led the way, and Pearl closed the door behind her, knowing that Steven and Amethyst would hear them through the window if they stayed on the deck—but she _also_ knew that the duo would follow them if they went farther, and she didn’t want to break down on the beach. Maybe the Temple would have been a better place to discuss this.

 

To her surprise, Garnet sat down on the deck railing, perched precariously at the corner. She waited patiently while Pearl wrung her hands, worried her lip, and realized that she had no plan of attack.

 

“I should have asked later,” Garnet said first, “I saw… this was always a possibility. But I took a chance.”

 

“I don’t deserve you,” Pearl blurted out, clenching her hands at her sides. “We both know that.”

 

“You’re the only one who thinks so.”

 

“ _You_ don’t deserve my baggage,” the alabaster Gem went on, undeterred by Garnet folding her arms. She knew exactly what sort of Look Garnet was giving her from beneath her visor, and it brought color to her cheeks. “You shouldn’t… you know I’ve never been _good enough_.”

 

“Hn.”

 

“I’m not over Rose. I can’t…”

 

“Pearl,” Garnet cut in, voice low. “I don’t expect you to forget Rose Quartz.”

 

“ _I hurt you_ ,” Pearl insisted, raising her own voice a little, tight with pain. “I was stupid, and I hurt you, and you say it’s _fine_ now, but I still feel guilty, and awful, and I think I always will! I _used_ you, Garnet, and I don’t know how you can look past that and see someone worth being with, then…” she trailed off, felt hot tears pouring down her cheeks, and tried to scrub them away with balled fists.

 

Garnet sighed faintly and reached for her, settling a hand on her shoulder. “Then I see _you_ , Pearl. I see my best friend. I see a Gem I’ve known and admired for thousands of years. I see a brilliant Gem who gets caught up in the past, and thinks of others first, and makes mistakes like _any_ Gem. Only I’ve seen you overcome them all.”

 

Pearl hiccupped around a protest that lodged solidly in her throat. She let Garnet draw her in, and hugged her tightly, and felt selfish for doing it. “I’m a coward…”

 

“I’ve seen you fight,” Garnet pointed out, hoping for a smile. Pearl shook her head and buried her face against her chest. She sighed, rubbing soothing circles between Pearl’s shoulders with one thumb. “You’re not a coward.”

 

Pearl nodded, and tried to draw away. Garnet didn’t let her. Pearl’s fingers sought purchase at the back of Garnet’s light armor. “I’m scared…”

 

The Fusion shushed her softly. “I told you, nothing has to change. It’s okay.”

 

“It’s not!” Pearl insisted, “I—it isn’t fair to you, I’m—damn it!” Behind her visor, Garnet’s eyes widened at the explicative, but Pearl went on as if she didn’t know she’d said it. “I’m so selfish, here I am, crying all over you when _you’re_ the one who got dumped, because I’m too broken to be with you, and…!”

 

“Y’not broken,” Garnet murmured, and then, with a press of her lips to Pearl’s hair, she added in a whisper; “You don’t owe me anything, Pearl. Not a thing.”

 

“I want to love you,” Pearl’s voice was barely above a whisper, and she sniffled. “I want to. But I’m _scared_ , and you don’t _need_ that, and I’m… I don’t think I’ll ever stop being scared, Garnet.”

 

Garnet nodded faintly. Pearl had always been afraid, and not without reason. The Fusion wondered whether there had ever been a time where Pearl felt properly secure in herself, in her intrinsic value, in _anything_. She had played the part so well during the war that Garnet almost wondered if, before Rose Quartz ever kissed her, she’d known what it was like to be self-assured.

 

“I’m not going to leave you,” she whispered, and Pearl’s hands spasmed against her back before she curled closer, settling her grip around Garnet’s trim waist instead. “You’re my best friend. You don’t have to _also_ be my lover, Pearl. What we have is enough.”

 

Pearl was shaking her head, but her ragged breathing was, at least, more managed; less labored. She whimpered, and Garnet tangled her fingers in Pearl’s hair.

 

“Breathe.”

 

She did, though shakily, and Garnet exhaled with her. Neither needed the oxygen, but Pearl couldn’t deny that it _felt_ better, synchronizing her breathing with Garnet’s, coming down from her sobbing fit slowly. It was easy to forget, for a moment, that she was the guilty party here—and in that moment, the little voice was back.

 

 _Why did you say no_?

 

She had no good reason.

 

Pearl looked up at Garnet uncertainly, eyes puffy and cheeks blotchy from crying, and the moonlight shone bright on the visor that hid Garnet’s expression. The alabaster Gem sniffed, withdrawing a hand to scrub at her eyes, and Garnet cracked a smile. Pearl’s lips twitched upward in a ghost of a smile of her own, and she hugged her again.

 

They said nothing for several moments, and Garnet smoothed down the swish of pink hair that Pearl had never been able to tame.

 

“You can always change your mind,” Garnet said at length, “I’m not going to pressure you… but the option _is_ there. If you want to.”

 

“…I know.”

 

And she did, deep down. Pearl wanted little more than to give Garnet the answer she deserved then and there, but she knew better. Knew it wasn’t the time.

 

“And you know I’ll wait,” Garnet pressed, “However long it takes.”

 

“I do.”

 

Garnet sighed as the likelihood of Pearl saying yes _tonight_ dwindled to nearly nothing. She was a patient Gem—she could be. She _had_ to be. Because Pearl was too precious to her to let her rush into something if she really wasn’t ready. “And I love you,” she couldn’t help adding, and Pearl stiffened; Garnet released her. “No matter what, no matter how, Pearl. It doesn’t need to be anything but this.”

 

Pearl knew that, too, and she stepped back, eyes glued to the ground. And then, in a very small voice, she whispered; “I love you, Garnet. I’m sorry.”

 

Despite the apology, Garnet felt her heart soar at the admission. It was something to hold onto, something she could treasure even if Pearl never did act on her feelings. The Fusion didn’t quite understand why, when they were both interested, Pearl would let fear outweigh the potential for something great to blossom between them—but Garnet had never _been_ afraid, not like Pearl. Not of this.

 

Garnet reached for Pearl’s hands before she could worry a hole in her sash, and Pearl let her take them. She smiled too easily, even if Pearl was avoiding looking at her, and she gave her soft palms a gentle squeeze.

 

“Someday, when you’re ready, I’d like to hear you say it again,” she said, “But for now… let’s get inside and join Steven and Amethyst for the sleepover Steven’s been planning every night this week. It won’t be the same without you.”

 

Pearl quirked a very faint smile at that, and nodded. “Alright,” she whispered, “Thank you, Garnet.”

 

“Of course,” Garnet murmured in kind, tugging Pearl toward the door in time to see two small shadows dash back into the kitchen. “Thank _you_ , Pearl… for trying. And being honest. That’s all I can hope for.”


End file.
